Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Homeless veteran and Krispy Kreme Donut

Nov. 7, 2005
by Andy Lei

Last Thursday night, I played racquetball with some coworkers in our basement gym, so I stayed late until about 8:30pm. Outside my office, I waited for the light before walking to the bus stop across the street. I was carrying a Krispy Kreme box with a sandwich and a donut. One black fellow approached and asked me politely, “You gonna finish that box?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Oh… please, sir. Can I rely on your kindness?”

I opened up the box to give him the remaining donut.

“Oh, no… I can’t eat that!” He declared. Perhaps, he was diabetic, like the doorman. (I had given him couple of donuts just a few minutes earlier. He said he probably shouldn’t eat it, but would accept them anyway.)

So, I offered him the chicken sandwich, instead.

“From the 173rd, I salute you!” He raised his right hand to above his right eye, smiled and saluted me. He was wearing a Ford racing cap, brown coat and dark shoes. He had a thin beard and several gaps in his front teeth. I smelled alcohol on his breath.

“You were in the service?” I asked him.

“Still am! I just returned three months ago from Iraq.” He proudly informed me of his service from 1979-1991 and 1994. “I’ve been to Germany, Koh-rea, Japan…”
“My name is Aries Bond. Aries like the Goddess. Bond like James Bond. The ladies love it!”

“I worked in these buildings before and there are some phat ladies. I mean phat with p-h. Not f-a-t. The trick is to get them to smile. I say, ‘girl, let me smell you. How did you get so beautiful?’ And they smile and they say, ‘I got it from my momma.’ And I say, ‘You got it from Jesus (he points above) when you was in the womb.’ But, whether they black or white or Chi-neese, they all the same.

“You know what they want?” He looked cautiously to his left, right and behind. He then leaned in and said, “the Dick! You know how I know? My six sisters taught me. So, my approach is, “Girl…hey, you dropped something.” They look behind them and I say, “Syke! I got you! And they smile.”

At that moment, two white women passed by and Aries tried his tactic on them. They quickly ignored him as they hurriedly walked by.

A few minutes later, a pair of Latina women walked by. He ignored them, saying, “they don’t speak English.”

“I walk up and down these streets and I see some ho’s.”

“You mean, some loose women?” I ask.

“No, I mean ho’s!—prostitutes. I had me a couple of them. I treat them real nice and after a while, they giving me free pussy. One even asked me, ‘can I stay with you?’”

“So, when you see her, that still happens?”

“No, she’s locked up now, but when I do see her she gives me free head.”

He shows me his Driver’s License. It shows his birthday as 1963 and his residence on New York Ave, NE, somewhat close to my neighborhood.

At that moment, my bus passed by us. I would have to wait another 20-30 minutes for the next one.

Aries asked me, “You got change? I’m trying to get home, too.”

“Sorry, I got a smart card, so I don’t carry change.”

“You alright! What’s you name?”

“Andy. I work here in this building. 7th floor.”

“What do you do?”

“We promote democracy around the world.”

“Man…I been working on a carrier. I been to Germany, Koh-rea. Women all the same.” He steps to his left and spits. “You know what they want? Da Dick! I done a few of them in the stairwells. Me and my friend was out once. We said, “we want to eat out, but we don’t really want hamburgers and that girl that was with us said, ‘oh…you want to fuck me?!’” So, she came home with us. He stepped to his left and spits again.

“What time you get off work usually?”

“About 6pm.”

“ok, tomorrow’s pay day for me. If I see you here, I’ll take you out to lunch. We’ll go to McDonald’s down there. My treat!”

“That’s very kind of you.” I replied.

“I may not dress as well as you, but I bet you that I get more pussy than you any day!” He smiled. He stepped to his left and spits again.

Two black women appeared outside the building, smoking.

Aries turned to me and asked, “You got a quarter?”

“No, sorry.”

“Come with me,” he exhorted, as he headed their way.

“It’s ok. I’ll stay here and watch you work your magic on those ladies.”

He spoke to the two women for a few minutes. I thought this would be a good time to leave, but my curiosity got the better of me, so I stayed. As the women walked back to the building, he returned.

“See…I asked if I could get a sip of their soda. The younger one said yes, but the older one said, ‘don’t give it to him!’”

“So, she was a bit more cautious?” I inquired.

“She smiled, so the door opened. Once you get a smile and a phone number, then you can get the pussy, black, white, Chi-neese....they all the same. What’s your name again?” He stepped to his left and spits again.


The next time I see you, I’ll do this. He shook my hand rapper style: with the hooking of the thumbs, and then the quick hug.

1 comment:

Rachel Laudier said...

Do'nut just figure!